


feels like the real thing

by renaissance



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Future Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-08 16:30:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5504786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renaissance/pseuds/renaissance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stargazing takes a lot of effort—finding your orientation, telling the stars apart, working out where they are at this time of year, and tracking them as they move. Sometimes it's easier just to lie back and stare at the sky.</p><p>Or; Yamaguchi and Tsukishima pretend to date, and Yamaguchi learns to look at the bigger picture.</p>
            </blockquote>





	feels like the real thing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [duckering](https://archiveofourown.org/users/duckering/gifts).



> This is a Haikyuu!! Winter Hols gift for smallwangs; I had a great time filling this prompt as best I could, so I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Shout-out to San and Viv for beta-reading, and to Kait for helping me come up with the seeds of this plot. You guys have been an invaluable help!

This is the end. This is the exact moment Yamaguchi’s future slips through his fingers. He can feel every little bit of good luck he’s ever had draining onto the floor of the gym, can hear his failure in surround sound.

“It’s not your fault!” he tells Yachi, because it _isn’t_ , but he _especially_ can’t let her know that her family holiday has completely ruined his plans.

The thing is, over winter his cousin’s getting married, and because Yamaguchi is _eighteen_ now and the extended family are considering him one of the adults, he’s been invited to bring a plus one to the wedding. His mum, though, had been adamant that he bring a date—“And not just Kei,” she’d said, “an _actual_ date,”—and although Yamaguchi had taken a while to think it through, he eventually decided to ask Yachi. Thankfully, she’d been more than happy to go as friends and pretend to be his girlfriend for the night if need be—that is, until her mother had sprung a surprise holiday on her.

“I’m still sorry,” she says, clutching at the bow on her uniform. “I wish I could’ve come.”

“It’s really fine,” Yamaguchi says. “I haven’t told my parents yet, so I’ll think of someone else to ask.”

“If you’re sure,” Yachi says hesitantly. “And your parents really won’t take no for an answer?”

Yamaguchi hums. “Yeah,” he says, “my mum made it pretty clear that it had to be a _date_.”

“Well, you’re a cool guy,” Yachi says, grinning. “I’m sure anyone would feel lucky to pretend to go on a date with you!” She pauses, pulling on one end of her bow. “Besides, it’s just one date. That’s not that hard! That’s why I agreed, after all!”

“Right,” Yamaguchi says. “Right. It’ll be fine.”

“How the times have changed,” Yachi says wistfully. “Remember when you used to have to calm _me_ down?”

“You’re much stronger than I am, Yachi,” Yamaguchi says, slumping a bit.

Only, it keeps weighing on Yamaguchi’s mind, even through practice. He’s off his game, and everyone notices. Even the _first years_ notice. It’s mortifying. He’s meant to be some sort of vice captain, but he feels a bit like a fish out of water, flopping about aimlessly.

At least he’s got the evening off. He’s ahead on all his homework, and Tsukishima’s not tutoring Hinata and Kageyama, so they can go back to Tsukishima’s house for dinner and games.

It’s a cool, clear night, so after they’ve eaten they go up to Tsukishima’s room and leave the windows open. Tsukishima drags in a chair from the study so that they can both sit at his computer but after a while they end up on his bed, the controller cords stretched across half the room. It’s fun, but Yamaguchi’s mind is elsewhere. He’s still stressing over the wedding, and finding a date—or the other outcome, which involves no date at all and a great deal of embarrassment.

And his absent-mindedness must be showing in his playing, because Tsukishima puts aside his controller and says, “You’re distracted.”

“Ah,” Yamaguchi says, setting his controller down on his knees, “how’re you so perceptive?”

Tsukishima rolls his eyes. “Do you really need to ask?”

Sighing, Yamaguchi folds his hands over his controller. “I guess not.”

There’s a moment of painful silence before Tsukishima speaks again. “Well?”

“Well, Yachi can’t come to the wedding anymore,” Yamaguchi says quickly, annoyed with himself for letting it get to him. “So I guess I’m going alone.”

“Can’t you just ask someone else to go with you?” Tsukishima says, like it’s that easy. “I’ll come, if you really need it.”

“No, no,” Yamaguchi says, “mum says it has to be, like, a _date_. She specifically said _not_ you.”

“Ouch,” Tsukishima says, even though Yamaguchi can tell he’s not offended. “So who will you ask?”

When Yamaguchi had thought of asking Yachi, he’d counted all the girls he knew and ended up only putting up one finger. One. Girls are just so _intimidating_ , he thinks— _people_ are intimidating. He has a couple of friends in class, but his best friends are really on the volleyball team.

“I could ask Hinata,” he muses. “He’s always the life of the party.”

“Definitely not,” Tsukishima says. “Do you really think he’d be able to keep up the pretence of being on a date? He’d slip and tell someone the truth—or break something.”

Despite himself, Yamaguchi laughs. “Good point. Okay, I can’t ask any of the underclassmen, because that’d be weird, but—what about Kageyama?”

Tsukishima raises his eyebrows.

“Ah, you’re right,” Yamaguchi said. “That won’t do at all.”

“I’m glad we agree on that,” Tsukishima says mildly.

Yamaguchi bites his lower lip. “I guess I could text Ennoshita-san. He’s always been helpful. Do you think he’d help with this?”

“He’s probably busy with university,” Tsukishima says. “And anyway, do you want your relatives to think you’re dating the sort of person who makes eerily realistic horror movies in his spare time?”

“… probably not,” Yamaguchi says. “Okay, how about Tanaka-san, Noya-san or Kinoshita-san? They’re not at university.”

“Definitely not Tanaka-san or Nishinoya-san,” Tsukishima says. “They’ll just hit on everyone in your family and everyone will know they’re not your real date. And Kinoshita-san’s working over the winter, remember?”

“Oh, yeah,” Yamaguchi says. “And Narita-san’s overseas, right? Okay. Sugawara-san.”

“University,” Tsukishima says again.

“But he’s so smart and kind,” Yamaguchi says, “surely he can take some time off studying for an evening?”

This time, Tsukishima only raises one eyebrow. “Do you really want to take advantage of his kindness?”

Yamaguchi buries his head in his hands. “No,” he wails, “no, I shouldn’t.” He looks up again. “Sawamura-san would say no, wouldn’t he? So I should ask him.”

Tsukishima narrows his eyes. “Is this reverse psychology? Whoever you ask, you’ll feel like you’re taking advantage.”

“Well, that only leaves Azumane-san,” Yamaguchi says. Azumane wouldn’t have been Yamaguchi’s first choice, since he doesn’t want anyone in his family to think he’s dating a tough guy thug-type, but Azumane really is sweet once you get past his looming first impressions, so it wouldn’t be so bad.

Only of course, Tsukishima has a counter-argument for him too. “Azumane-san is too shy,” he declares. “He won’t make a good impression.”

Exasperated, Yamaguchi flops backwards onto Tsukishima’s bed. “Well, I’ve been through everyone we’ve known from volleyball. Who do _you_ suggest I ask?”

“Me,” Tsukishima says simply.

Yamaguchi can’t help but roll his eyes. “I told you, my mum says it has to be a proper date.”

“I could be your date,” Tsukishima says, amending quickly, “Or, pretend to be.”

As much as Yamaguchi has painstakingly been avoiding this line of thinking, he has to admit that there are pros and cons. Of course, it’d involve Yamaguchi somehow telling his parents that he’s dating his childhood best friend, and then telling them again that it didn’t work out—which of course they’ll see right through, and know he’d only done it for the wedding, but that momentary disapproval might be worth it.

“Yeah?” Yamaguchi asks tentatively.

Out of the corner of Yamaguchi’s eye, he sees Tsukishima tilt his chin so that he’s sticking his nose up in the air. “I don’t see who else you’d ask,” he says.

“You just think you’re the best option for everything,” Yamaguchi says. “Being captain’s really gone to your head, huh?”

Tsukishima clears his throat like he’s about to say something very important.  “Look at it this way: we’ve known each other for, what, eight years now? I know more about you than anyone else. We’d barely have to bat an eyelid to pretend to date, since not much would change, probably.”

“Well,” Yamaguchi says, “we might have to hold hands a bit.”

In response, Tsukishima pushes his controller out of the way and places his hand on top of Yamaguchi’s, where it’s lying on the bed. “Is that a problem?”

Yamaguchi lets out a nervous laugh. He can’t _believe_ Tsukishima can keep a straight face like this. “So brazen!” he says, but, he twists his arm so that their palms are touching, and joins their fingers.

“See?” Tsukishima says, turning his head away so that his expression is unreadable. “Easy.”

 

* * *

 

It’s not easy. It’s the opposite of easy. Theoretically Yamaguchi knows that pretending to date his best friend should be the most natural thing in the world, but it’s day one and he already wants to give up.

“I can’t do it,” he says.

Tsukishima spares him a glance out of the corner of his eye. “It’s just Hinata and Kageyama. They won’t understand what’s going on.”

Yamaguchi looks over to where Hinata and Kageyama are sitting—Kageyama’s holding a milkbox, and Hinata’s gesticulations are threatening to knock it out of his hands. “I can’t,” Yamaguchi says again. “Look at them. They’re so innocent.”

“Exactly my point,” Tsukishima says. “This is an action with no consequences, except maybe that you become more comfortable with _this_.”

It’s like Tsukishima doesn’t have the capacity to feel embarrassment. That’s sort of worrying to Yamaguchi, because they are standing to the side of the gym _literally holding hands_ , and Tsukishima reckons they could just walk up to the others like this, and they’d think it was _perfectly normal_.

“I don’t want to become comfortable,” Yamaguchi says. “I want out.”

“And no more date for the wedding?” Tsukishima presses.

He says it so _casually_ , too, that Yamaguchi actually starts feeling bad. He glances down at their joined hands, and back at Kageyama and Hinata. “ _Fine_ ,” he says. “Let’s do it.”

 _It should be easy_ , Yamaguchi reminds himself. He’s known Tsukishima since they were ten, which may as well be time immemorial for all he cares, because nothing very good happened in his life before then, anyway. But, somehow pretending to date Tsukishima is a different story—well, it isn’t to Tsukishima, and so it _can’t_ be to Yamaguchi either. He just needs to get over it.

With one hand joined to Tsukishima’s, he lifts up his other arm and waves. “Hi, you two!”

“Yamaguchi!” Hinata yells, spinning on the spot to wave back. “Where’ve you been? It’s been lunch for _twenty minutes_ already!”

Yamaguchi doesn’t want to say that he’s spent the last twenty minutes working up the courage to be around other people, so he swallows a comeback. “Just talking with Tsukki,” he says, casually as possible.

There’s a momentary pause as Hinata raises an eyebrow. “… talking?”

If Yamaguchi were an astronaut, he’d definitely be able to see his blush from space. “Yes, _talking_ ,” he says, looking anywhere but at Tsukishima.”People can do that, you know.”

“No need to get defensive,” Tsukishima says quietly.

“I don’t get it,” Kageyama says around his straw.

“Kageyama,” Hinata says, his voice a conspiratorial whisper, “they’re _holding hands_.”

Kageyama shrugs. “So?”

“See?” Yamaguchi says. “There’s nothing weird about it.”

“Except you’re holding hands,” Hinata says. “I know you guys have known each other since, like, forever, but holding hands is for kids or—”

He stops, looking surprisingly embarrassed.

“—or, y’know, _couples_.”

Tsukishima is looking at Yamaguchi expectantly. Yamaguchi waits for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. He thinks he wouldn’t mind. He’s had a good run.

“Well,” Kageyama says, “maybe they’re a couple.”

“That’s right!” Yamaguchi says, before he can chicken out. His voice is too loud, too high-pitched. Embarrassing. “A couple! That’s us!”

The silence that follows is the worst silence of Yamaguchi’s life. It’s the worst silence of anyone’s life ever. It stretches all the way from the Foothill Store to the gym, every route the four of them have trodden together, sullying the path with a complete gaping emptiness.

“Oh well,” Hinata says, “I suppose that’s not so surprising.”

“N-not surprising,” Yamaguchi manages. “Right…”

“Yeah,” Hinata continues. “I mean, you guys are _always_ together. I guess that’s kinda cute. Plus, you walk home together, sometimes you share music—couple things, right? Argh! I should’ve noticed sooner!”

“I didn’t notice,” Kageyama says, as if to say, _don’t feel bad about it_.

Hinata’s not done, though. He narrows his eyes. “In fact, it’s almost _too_ convenient.”

“What do you mean?” Tsukishima asks. It’s the first time he’s spoken up, and Yamaguchi finally turns to look at him. As always, he’s unflappable. _That’s Tsukki for you_ , Yamaguchi thinks. Always in control. The two of them are still holding hands, still in the same predicament, but while Yamaguchi’s busy thinking about what sort of headstone would look nice over his grave, Tsukishima’s just standing there like this is normal.

“I don’t know,” Hinata admits. “I’m just saying, you guys could’ve been dating for the past three years, or you could be pretending to date, and I’d never know the difference.”

“That’s good,” Yamaguchi says. “That means we’re a convincing couple, right?”

Tsukishima shows some emotion _now_ , pulling a pained face at Yamaguchi’s slip. But, Hinata doesn’t notice. “Totally convincing!” he says earnestly.

“Phase one complete,” Tsukishima mumbles.

Of course, this is all part of Tsukishima’s Two-Phase Plan for constructing a successful fake relationship. He’s really thought it out. First, they have to convince at least one other person they’re dating—preferably more, though. And family members don’t count, which Yamaguchi thinks is a bit stupid, because he feels like he deserves a medal for spinning the lie to his parents. Then, they have to perform an _intimate_ action in public. Yamaguchi isn’t exactly sure what Tsukishima means by _intimate_ , but the way he’d emphasised the word when they’d spoken about it made it seem pretty important, and definitely more _intimate_ than just hand-holding.

A part of him is terribly afraid that he already knows what it is.

Hinata hums. “So, do you two, like, go on _dates_ now?”

“Um, this is pretty new,” Yamaguchi says. “We haven’t been on any dates yet.”

“You should go stargazing,” Kageyama says.

Yamaguchi decides he should start keeping a tally of how many awkward silences can happen in one day. Everyone stares at Kageyama. Yamaguchi is the one to break it, asking, “Where’d you get that idea?”

Kageyama, uncharacteristically red, looks at his feet. “Saw it in a movie,” he mumbles.

And just when Yamaguchi thinks he’s had his fill of shock for one day, Tsukishima says, “That’s a good idea. We should do it, Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi’s not sure what’s more surprising—Tsukishima agreeing with Kageyama on something, or the fact that he genuinely seems to be suggesting that they go on a date. The worst part is that, because they’re “dating,” Yamaguchi has to play along.

“Okay, Tsukki,” he says. “But, uh, maybe we can discuss it in _private_.”

“Oh,” Tsukishima says. “Sure.”

“Anyway, let’s eat quickly and then get back to class,” Yamaguchi says, “since lunch is nearly over.”

And, having spent most of their lunch break trying to get over the whole _holding hands in public_ thing, Yamaguchi really needs a distraction. So, they sit across from Hinata and Kageyama and eat peacefully—the only interruption is when Hinata starts needling Kageyama about watching romantic movies, and Kageyama insists that it was a romantic subplot in a movie that was actually about sports, honest.

It’s alright, though. They’re not treating Yamaguchi and Tsukishima any different now that they know they’re a “couple,” just carrying on as normal. It’s reassuring. Yamaguchi sort of feels like they might be alright—and then that turns back to worry when he realises that, of course, the worst is probably yet to come.

The worst, actually, comes _after_ lunch. They’re heading back to class when Tsukishima says, “Shouldn’t you hold my hand again?”

Yamaguchi scrunches his eyes shut before responding. “Not right now, Tsukki,” he says. “There are too many people here!”

Tsukishima shrugs. _Unbelievable_ , Yamaguchi thinks, _that he can be so calm at a time like this_. “If you can’t do it now, you’ll never be comfortable with it.”

“We don’t need to spend the entire wedding holding hands,” Yamaguchi points out. “That’d be kinda silly. Tsukki, don’t give me that look—you know, if you keep shrugging, your shoulders will get stuck like that.”

“How else am I meant to express my indifference?” Tsukishima says wryly.

In a fit of—of _something_ ; rebellion, perhaps—Yamaguchi rolls his eyes. “You’re supposed to be my boyfriend,” he says. “Cutting the indifference might help with that.”

Something contorts across Tsukishima’s face, kind of like he’s trying very hard not to pass wind. “I guess,” he says.

“Be more certain about it… ?” Yamaguchi tries.

Tsukishima sucks in a breath. “Okay,” he says. And then, his expression changes again; he ducks his head down, and Yamaguchi could swear there’s a flash of light across his glasses and a shadow over his eyes as he says, “Want to go stargazing this Friday night?”

Despite himself, Yamaguchi feels like his heart skips a beat. “Yeah,” he says, before he registers exactly what he’s agreeing to, “alright.”

“After volleyball,” Tsukishima says conclusively, flickering back to normal. Yamaguchi wonders if he just imagined it.

And then it starts to sink in, and he thinks, _What have I_ done _?_

 

* * *

 

“What have I _done_ ,” Yamaguchi says, staring into the depths of his locker as though it might offer up some solution. It is, in every regard, a perfectly normal locker. There’s his volleyball shoes and a spare practice uniform, as well as his competition uniform, which he keeps folded at the perfect angle to see the number 2 visible on his shirt. There isn’t really anything in there that could explain why he’s going on an _actual date_ with his _fake boyfriend_ after practice.

“What _have_ you done?” Hinata asks, standing a few lockers down.

“Nothing!” Yamaguchi says quickly, jumping back and shutting his locker. “That’s the problem, actually. I haven’t done _anything_ to deserve this.”

“Then you should try to get out of it,” Hinata says sagely. “Whatever it is.”

“Thanks, Hinata,” Yamaguchi says, “but I don’t think I can.”

Hinata frowns. “Then… good luck?”

“Yeah,” Yamaguchi says, turning the combination lock. “I’ll need it.”

Tsukishima, predictably, finished changing long ago. He’s always that fast, because there is nothing more disagreeable to him than spending time around other people. Even now that he’s captain, he spares a little bit of time for the underclassmen but that’s all. Right now, he’s probably waiting outside with his headphones on. He’s probably not even listening to anything.

For all his nerves, Yamaguchi has to remind himself that he does know Tsukishima exceedingly well. The thought makes the prospect of a date a little bit more bearable, and Yamaguchi musters up the strength to slump out of the changing room.

“Sorry for keeping you waiting, Tsukki!” he calls.

“It’s fine,” Tsukishima says, slipping his headphones without turning anything off, which means Yamaguchi’s guess was correct. “It’s not like the stars are going to go out if we don’t hurry to the park.”

“Oh, so we’re going to the park,” Yamaguchi says. “I thought we’d use the telescope at your house.”

“Aligning and collimating isn’t very romantic,” Tsukishima says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Actually, Yamaguchi thinks there’s a lot of potential for romance in setting up a telescope—crowding up close to the eyepiece to focus it, hands covering hands as they turn dials—and, okay, the more he thinks about it, the better it is that they’re not using the telescope. Although it might be nice on a _proper_ date, Yamaguchi can’t think of anything worse right now.

“That’s fine, then,” he says. “The sky’s pretty clear from the park, anyway.”

“Exactly,” Tsukishima says, and that’s that—they don’t talk for the next ten minutes. Well, that’s how they are a lot of the time. When you’ve spent so much time around someone, you get used to comfortable silences. Unfortunately, Tsukishima must _really_ hate Yamaguchi, because after those ten minutes have passed—and Yamaguchi’s been counting, checking his watch out of nervous habit—Tsukishima clears his throat and says, “Hold my hand.”

“You can’t give orders outside of practice,” Yamaguchi says.

“Hold my hand,” Tsukishima says again, “ _please_.”

Yamaguchi can’t _stand_ it when Tsukishima’s polite. He knows how to use politeness as a weapon, and very consciously only switches it on when he needs it. He’s polite around strangers and adults more than anyone else, because if he’s just _normal_ then no-one will think twice of it, which is precisely what he wants. The _worst_ thing, though, is that Yamaguchi can’t say no to his politeness.

“ _Fine_.”

“Don’t sound so reluctant,” Tsukishima says idly as Yamaguchi takes his hand.

“There’s no-one around here to convince,” Yamaguchi says. “I can be as reluctant as I like.”

“Now you’re being childish.”

But, it seems to be good enough for Tsukishima, because he adjusts so that their hands fit together a little better, and keeps walking, undeterred. Not long after that, they make it to the park—Yamaguchi tries not to make his relief too obvious.

“Where should we sit?” he asks. “Up near the top of the hill?”

Tsukishima frowns. “On the wet grass?”"

“Don’t be a baby about it,” Yamaguchi says. “We’ll get the best view.”

“You really care about seeing the stars, huh,” Tsukishima muses.

“You think I’m here because I like your company?” Yamaguchi jokes. “Come on; I’ll race you there!”

He doesn’t give Tsukishima a chance, sprinting ahead—and Tsukishima never makes an effort with running, anyway, so he arrives a few seconds after Yamaguchi looking like he hasn’t even broken a sweat. He clicks his tongue, taking off his jacket.

“Tsukki, won’t you be cold?” Yamaguchi asks.

“Not really,” Tsukishima says. “Anyway, I can’t let you sit on wet grass. That wouldn’t be very romantic of me.”

“I get it,” Yamaguchi says, because he _thinks_ he might, “you just wanted to go on this _date_ so you could get some practice acting like a romantic.”

“Something like that,” Tsukishima says.

“Well, I should practice too,” Yamaguchi decides, dumping his bag on the ground and slipping out of his jacket. “Here—you can sit on this.”

“That sort of defeats the purpose of the gesture,” Tsukishima says. “We may as well just sit on our own jackets.”

“Alright, then,” Yamaguchi says, a little petulantly, spreading out his jacket and plonking down onto the damp grass.

Tsukishima lays out his jacket and sits down next to Yamaguchi, crossing his legs. “What now?” he asks.

“This was your idea,” Yamaguchi reminds him. “You tell me.”

“I don’t know,” Tsukishima says, leaning back and steadying himself with his palm flat on the grass. With the other hand, he waves vaguely at a patch of the sky. “There are some stars over there. That one’s pretty bright, so it probably has a Greek or Arabic name. It might be in a constellation.”

“You’re the worst at this, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi says, laughing into his palm.

“Like you know any better?”

“I could look it up on my phone.”

“Then why don’t you?” Tsukishima asks. “Go on, show me up.”

“I’m pretty sure one-upmanship isn’t part of dating,” Yamaguchi says. “Not that we’re, you know…”

“Dating,” Tsukishima finishes. “I know. But we need to get used to pretending—”

“—which is why we’re doing this now, I know, I know,” Yamaguchi says. “But the wedding’s not until the holidays. Surely we don’t need to work so hard at this?”

Tsukishima doesn’t reply for a few moments. He purses his lips, tilting his head back and looking up at the sky. Sometimes, uncharitably, Yamaguchi finds himself thinking that he likes Tsukishima more when he’s silent. Yamaguchi likes the snide remarks and the gentle teasing, but he likes the silences the best.

“I wonder,” Tsukishima says. “I went for a very long time thinking that caring too much about anything would only end up hurting you. I never understood why you put so much effort into things, but I think I always admired that about you, even before I could acknowledge it.”

“Tsukki—” Yamaguchi begins, but Tsukishima cuts him off.

“So, you want to know why I’m pushing this? It’s because it’s something _you_ care about, and I don’t want to mess it up for you.”

The way Tsukishima says it makes Yamaguchi’s heart swell with happiness—of course, of _course_ his best friend would do something so selfless. Tsukishima has always looked out for Yamaguchi; that’s a constant in their lives.

“I’ll do my best too, then,” Yamaguchi says, making the decision as the words leave his mouth.

He leans back too, trying to follow Tsukishima’s gaze, to pinpoint the exact stars he’s looking at. It’s a beautiful, quiet night, cool and fresh and picturesque, and Yamaguchi knows he’ll remember every detail long after it’s over. But, just as he thinks they’re about to have a _moment_ , Tsukishima ruins it with his usual flair by switching to business mode.

“Now we need to think about Phase Two,” he says. “Like you said, it’s no rush, but we want to be prepared for anything.”

“R-right,” Yamaguchi says. “The, uh, _intimacy_.”

Tsukishima cocks an eyebrow and smirks. “What, you’re worried about that?”

“You’re _not_?” Yamaguchi counters.

“Eh,” Tsukishima says, shifting a bit on his jacket, “it’s not like we haven’t been intimate before.”

Yamaguchi sits bolt upright. “When? Am I forgetting something?”

“Intimacy isn’t only romantic,” Tsukishima says, rolling his eyes. “Wouldn’t you say we’ve always been close?”

Physically and emotionally, yes—Yamaguchi couldn’t honestly disagree. Only, he never really _thought_ of it as intimacy, even when they sat close together as kids or even shared the same futon at a sleepover. Even as recently as last year, when Yamaguchi fell asleep with his head on Tsukishima’s shoulder on their bus to training camp, and woke up with his drool all over Tsukishima’s shirt, he never thought of it that way. Tsukishima has a bad habit of making him reconsider things like that.

“I guess,” is all he says.

Tsukishima twists a bit more, hovers a bit so that he’s looming closer to Yamaguchi. “Then this shouldn’t be a problem, right?”

“This—?”

Yamaguchi doesn’t have the capacity to finish that sentence. Tsukishima has a hand on his neck and he’s moving closer and all Yamaguchi can think is, _Shit, is this going to be my first kiss?_

“Is this okay?” Tsukishima asks, double-checking—Yamaguchi can pick up the genuine concern under his usual aloof expression.

It’s an emphatic _yes_ , more out of curiosity than anything else, but the only thing Yamaguchi can do in response is nod, and so he’s barely prepared when Tsukishima’s lips meet his. He feels stiff at first, but after a few seconds his body adjusts to the sensation. It’s actually not much of a sensation. It’s no different to having anything else touching his mouth; the main difference is that there’s motion and breath and a little bit of stickiness, and Yamaguchi tastes strawberry chewing gum on his lips as Tsukishima pulls back a little.

“I don’t really know what I’m doing,” Tsukishima whispers, millimetres away from Yamaguchi’s mouth. Well, at least he can admit his weaknesses these days.

“Neither,” Yamaguchi says.

“It’s not bad, though, right?” Tsukishima asks, and he sounds almost _nervous_ about it, like he really badly wants to be good at this.

Yamaguchi reckons he should give Tsukishima that reassurance. He can be oddly fragile sometimes, after all, and Yamaguchi doesn’t want to disrupt the delicate balance they’ve got going. “It’s nice,” he says and, at Tsukishima’s expression, hastily adds, “More than nice!”

Tsukishima nods, like he’s cataloguing and processing Yamaguchi’s response. “Let’s try it again, just to be sure,” he says, and this time Yamaguchi is ready for it, and it’s a lot easier to draw himself in closer.

They spend a while like that, twisted sideways to meet in the middle, the starry sky abandoned for more earthly pleasures. Yamaguchi easily loses track of time with one hand scrunching up his jacket on the grass and the other tentatively resting on Tsukishima’s shoulder, and his mind stays occupied with all sorts of conflicting thoughts. On the one hand, he’s making out with someone and it’s unbelievable, but on the other hand it’s _Tsukishima_ , and it worries Yamaguchi that he’s not more weirded out by it. Best friends don’t casually kiss each other, that’s not a real thing that happens, Yamaguchi’s sure of it. Then again, he and Tsukishima have always been really close. Maybe this could be an extension of that?

He brings it up on the way home—thankfully Tsukishima hasn’t insisted on holding hands, but they’re walking close enough that their shoulders bump occasionally. “Thanks for tonight, Tsukki,” he says. “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be.”

Tsukishima looks amused at that. “You were that terrified of one date?”

“I was talking about the, you know,” Yamaguchi says, “ _kissing_.”

“Oh, that,” Tsukishima says, like it’s nothing. “Yeah, it was good. We should do it again some time.”

That’s Tsukishima’s great skill: being flippant about absolutely anything. Yamaguchi is quite certain that Tsukishima has a few more feelings than he’s letting on, but he knows better than to try to coax them out of him.

“It’s not really a thing friends do, is it,” Yamaguchi points out. “Still, I guess I wouldn’t mind.”

“Oh, look,” Tsukishima says suddenly, “that’s my house. See you on Monday, Yamaguchi.”

They’re a few doors down from Tsukishima’s house, but he strides ahead anyway, leaving Yamaguchi barely enough time to say, “See you, Tsukki.”

So maybe it was weirder than Yamaguchi thought.

 

* * *

 

All through Monday morning practice, Tsukishima keeps his distance. Even on the rare weekends they don’t spend studying together or hanging out—like the weekend that’s just gone by—they’re at least in regular contact via text. But this is unusual, the way Tsukishima’s acting.

Yamaguchi doesn’t respond well to avoidance. He tries to be content with their limited and essential contact on the court, but when he hits the sidelines he gets restless, and he’s pretty sure the whole team can pick up on it.

Once they’re done, Tsukishima heads straight for the changing room, so Yamaguchi loiters with Yachi.

“Is everything okay with you and Tsukishima?” she asks, wringing her hands together. “I don’t want a repeat of what happened with Hinata and Kageyama in our first year…”

“It’ll be fine,” Yamaguchi says. “I think I just need to give him time.”

Yachi hums. “Has this got to do with what Hinata told me the other day?”

“What did he tell you?” Yamaguchi asks. It’s a pretence—he knows.

“That you two are _going out_.” She whispers the last part.

“That’s exactly the problem,” Yamaguchi says, deciding he can confide in Yachi, “we’re _not_.”

“Eh?” Yachi exclaims. “You broke up already?”

“We were never going out in the first place!” Yamaguchi says. “Tsukki’s coming to the wedding in your place, so we’re pretending to be an actual couple. Only, I think we’re not that good at it.”

Yachi tilts her head to the side, pursing her lips in thought. “That’s not what I heard from Hinata. He said you two were holding hands, and talking about going on dates, and that it was actually really sweet! And that means a lot, coming from him.”

  
“None of it was real,” Yamaguchi says. “Tsukki wants to make it seem flawless so we can convince everyone at the wedding.”

“I see,” Yachi says, nodding. “Wait, no, I don’t see. So, you’re pretending to date, but you’re being realistic so it seems like you’re actually dating, but… you’re not so good at it, even though Hinata thinks you are? Why _aren’t_ you good at it?”

Yamaguchi sighs. “Tsukki hasn’t been talking to me all weekend, since our date on Friday night. I’m worried I did something wrong.”

“Where did you go for your date?” Yachi asks. “Did anything unusual happen?”

“Not really,” Yamaguchi says. “We went stargazing at the park, and then—”

—and then there was the kissing. _That would probably count as unusual_ , Yamaguchi thinks, and he feels his heart sink.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Yachi says, looking a little amused. “I just hope that whatever this is passes quickly. We need our captain and vice to be on speaking terms!”

“We will be,” Yamaguchi says. That, at least, is one thing that Yamaguchi can be sure of—his friendship with Tsukishima will bounce back to normal. It always does.

“Good,” Yachi says. “And then maybe you can figure out a way to date him for real.”

“No way!” Yamaguchi says. “Don’t joke about stuff like that. I could never date Tsukki.”

Yachi smiles sympathetically. “That’s alright too. But I think Hinata’s right, you know—you two are cute together!”

Yamaguchi barely has the time to stutter out _thanks_ when he’s interrupted in the worst way possible—Tsukishima’s arm slipping around his waist. “Yamaguchi. You’re dawdling. We have class.”

“Don’t sneak up on me like that!” Yamaguchi says, letting out an exasperated breath.

“Don’t be so slow,” Tsukishima counters. “You should get changed.”

“Um,” Yachi interjects, “should I leave you two alone?”

“It’s fine,” Tsukishima says, letting the arm around Yamaguchi’s waist go a bit slack, “Yamaguchi was just leaving.”

Yamaguchi twists in Tsukishima’s grasp so they’re facing and gives him his best annoyed look. “No, I’m talking to Yachi. You can wait.”

To Yamaguchi’s surprise, Tsukishima acquiesces easily—he shrugs, and Yamaguchi can feel it against his arm. “Alright,” he says. “Come find me after you change.”

“Sure,” Yamaguchi says, still a little shaken that Tsukishima would become such a pushover, all for the sake of—for _what_? It definitely has something to do with the fact that he’s been so uncommunicative. Yamaguchi’s mind goes off on tangents—Tsukishima said _come find me_ , which might mean he doesn’t hate Yamaguchi after all, or it might mean that he wants to break off their fake relationship, or their _friendship_ —

Yamaguchi’s train of thought is interrupted rather abruptly by a shadow crossing his vision. Time seems to slow down as he works out that the shadow is coming from Tsukishima’s face, drawing closer to his own, and then it speeds up again as Tsukishima places a light kiss on his lips. With an instinct he never knew he had, Yamaguchi kisses back, even though it’s only for a second.

“See you later,” Tsukishima says, and disappears out of the gym.

For the next few moments, Yamaguchi stares at the spot where Tsukishima had been, his mouth hanging open and his gaze unfocused.

“A-are you okay?” Yachi asks.

Yamaguchi blinks and turns to look at her. “I think so,” he says. Actually, he’s impressed that he can talk at all.

“Has that happened before?” Yachi asks. “I don’t mean to pry! I was curious, since you’re… not actually…”

“It has,” Yamaguchi says. “Um, just once. It was when we went stargazing.”

“Oh, no,” Yachi says, “I think I understand now.”

Yamaguchi doesn’t understand. He feels like he’s doing the very _opposite_ of understanding. Nothing about the way Tsukishima’s been acting makes sense at all, and it doesn’t seem like Yamaguchi will be able to work it out any time soon.

“I’m going to change,” he tells Yachi. “I’ll see you at break?”

“See you then!” Yachi says.

He’s the last one in the changing room, so he doesn’t rush. After all, he’s got a lot of thinking to do. _That_ , he realises, was Phase Two. They’ve done something _intimate_ in public, so now they’re officially a convincing couple. And that’s that, right? Maybe because they’re able to be convincing, Tsukishima won’t want to do anything like that again until the wedding. Maybe he doesn’t want to be Yamaguchi’s fake boyfriend anymore, maybe it put too much of a strain on their friendship.

For some reason, that thought makes Yamaguchi feel a little queasy. It’s not as though he particularly wanted to do this in the first place. The only reason he agreed to it was because Tsukishima made every other option seem impractical.

It strikes Yamaguchi that he doesn’t want it to end. He wants to keep pretending to date Tsukishima for as long as he can, because—

—because, maybe, he actually _does_ want to date Tsukishima.

There’s no fireworks with the realisation, no bright lights and no chords of heavenly music. Yamaguchi doesn’t feel like he’s reached an epiphany—he feels like a dead weight. Because, no matter how much he wants something to happen, he’s screwed it up irrevocably, and now Tsukishima’s never going to want to kiss him again.

But Yamaguchi can’t stop thinking about the way Tsukishima had kissed him just then. There was such _familiarity_ , and it was so—well, “tender” isn’t a word he’d use to describe Tsukishima, but nothing else is coming to mind. And combined with Tsukishima’s arm around his waist, fingers pressing down on his side, Yamaguchi thinks that sort of closeness is all he really needs. He just wishes he’d worked it out it sooner.

After prevaricating for far too long, he finally finishes changing and heads out to meet Tsukishima. For all his uncharacteristic silence, he’s still waiting for Yamaguchi, which has to count for something.

The rest of the day drags on, though. Yamaguchi sits behind and to the left of Tsukishima in class and spends every period focusing more on the way his face looks in profile than on whatever they’re learning. It’s nothing new for him to acknowledge that Tsukishima is good looking, but it _is_ new that it’s having such an effect on him. Or, maybe he’s always felt like this, and never noticed it before now.

Even their breaks are stilted, despite the others acting as a buffer zone. None of them seem to notice that Tsukishima is acting any different, because he’s not talkative at the best of times, which just makes it even more prominent to Yamaguchi. _After school_ , he tells himself. After school, before volleyball, he’ll talk to Tsukishima about it.

So, as soon as class ends for the day, Yamaguchi jumps up from his seat and grabs Tsukishima’s arm. Tsukishima gives him an affronted look. “What is it?”

“I don’t want to say ’we need to talk,’” Yamaguchi says, “but we _really_ need to talk.”

“Talk about what?” Tsukishima asks. “Did something happen?”  
  
“ _You_ happened,” Yamaguchi mutters, and, when Tsukishima gives him a strange look, adds, “We need to talk about kissing.”  
  
Without another word, he drags Tsukishima out of the classroom, barely giving him time to pick up his bag, and directs him towards a quiet spot behind the gym. Tsukishima doesn’t put up a fight, and Yamaguchi wonders if this is one of those moments that starts with him yelling and ends with Tsukishima calling him cool and then walking away.  
  
“So?” Tsukishima prompts.  
  
“So, why are you avoiding me?” Yamaguchi asks. “I’ve been trying my best to be patient with you, Tsukki, but given that pretending to date me was _your_ idea, I was hoping you could explain to me why you’ve been acting like you don’t know me.”  
  
Tsukishima gives the most annoying possible answer: he _laughs_. “Sorry,” he says, “I got the impression that you weren’t particularly interested in keeping up the pretence.”  
  
“Well, no,” Yamaguchi admits, “I _wasn’t_.”  
  
“But now you are?” Tsukishima asks, leaning back lazily against the gym wall.  
  
“You _kissed_ me,” Yamaguchi says, because that’s what’s at the heart of the issue. “No, you didn’t just kiss me, we _made out_ and then you didn’t talk to me all weekend and then you kissed me again like it means _nothing_ to you! I’m not angry with you, Tsukki, I just want to know why you’re acting like this.”  
  
In response, Tsukishima kisses him. Yamaguchi barely notices the hand at his neck or the way Tsukishima leans into him, draws him closer, the way he’s always done. Yamaguchi thinks for a stupid second that this could be enough, _pretending_ to have something more and kissing their way through any problems that could arise. That’s unhealthy, though—he knows the both of them well enough to recognise that.  
  
“Tsukki,” he says, pulling back, “this was a bad idea.”  
  
“I think so too,” Tsukishima says, but he doesn’t move away, leaves his arms resting lightly around Yamaguchi’s waist. “It was selfish of me to suggest it.”  
  
Wait. “Selfish?”  
  
Tsukishima ducks his head a bit, almost like he’s ashamed of himself. “You should know I’m not an altruistic person, Yamaguchi,” he says, a little sharply. “I didn’t put myself forward to be your date because I thought I was really your best option. There are almost certainly better people to date, or to pretend to date.”  
  
“Then, you did it because you _wanted_ to,” Yamaguchi says, unable to stop himself from sounding a bit awed.  
  
“Which was selfish,” Tsukishima reiterates, although a little more hesitantly than he’d said it before.  
  
“Let me run through the reasons you might want to pretend to date me,” Yamaguchi says, thinking aloud. “It’s unlikely that you’re just in it for the free food at the wedding, and I don’t think you’re the sort of protective best friend who’d want to moderate my love life by who you think is most suitable.”  
  
“Getting closer,” Tsukishima mumbles.  
  
“Then, maybe it’s because you _like_ me,” Yamaguchi says, desperately holding back a telling grin.  
  
“Well done, you worked it out,” Tsukishima says flatly. “Can I go back to avoiding you now?”  
  
“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi says, “you _idiot_!”  
  
Tsukishima narrows his eyes, and it hits Yamaguchi just how much he missed that disbelieving expression over the last few days. “Huh?”  
  
“Maybe it took me a while to work it out,” Yamaguchi says, “but I like the way it feels to say I’m dating you. I liked our date, and I _really_ like kissing.”

Everything goes so quiet that Yamaguchi can hear every leaf being blown in the breeze, every volleyball bouncing inside the gym. “Does that mean I can kiss you again?” Tsukishima asks.

Yamaguchi can _feel_ the tension disappearing from between them, and he looks up at Tsukishima with a lazy grin. “You can ask me out first.”

Clearing his throat, Tsukishima says, “Yamaguchi. Go out with me.”

“No,” Yamaguchi says, enjoying himself a bit too much, “you have to _ask_.”

Tsukishima looks spectacularly unimpressed. Yamaguchi loves it when he pulls faces. “Fine,” Tsukishima says. “Yamaguchi, _will_ you go out with me?”

“Of course,” Yamaguchi says, giving in to the smile that’s been threatening to overtake his face for the last few minutes. And he gives into another impulse, tangling his fingers in Tsukishima’s short hair and pulling him down for the sort of kiss he’ll feel for days.

“We should go to practice,” Tsukishima says, breathless.

“And tell everyone where their captain and vice have been?” Yamaguchi teases.

Tsukishima purses his lips. “I’ve had enough of telling people things. It’s hard work, holding hands in public, you know.”

“I bet,” Yamaguchi says, “since you were _so_ eager to avoid it.”

“I told you,” Tsukishima says, his face flushed, “I did it because I wanted our relationship to seem convincing in time for your cousin’s wedding.”

Yamaguchi laughs loud enough that they can probably hear him inside the gym. “Well, I think we can manage that.”

“Yeah,” Tsukishima says. “This time, for real.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment and let me know what you thought!


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